Renata, according to....

"In order to be irreplaceable, one must always be different."

Coco Chanel

Today will be different.  Today the truth comes out, sorta.  I find that the best way to get to know someone is to ask the people who know them best.  It is easy for me to come up with different adjectives to describe me.  However, those descriptions are one-sided, biased, so-to-speak.  Now, asking my friends to describe me, well, that is an entirely different story.  That is some serious truth-talking, ya dig?

This afternoon I had the ingenious idea to ask four of my closest friends, and my husband to describe me in five words.  Five words, no more, no less.  Here is what they said.

Let me start out with T.  My sweet T has been my friend for over ten years.  TEN YEARS!  These were the five words T chose to describe me.

/1./ Thoughtful /2./ Funny /3./ Beautiful /4./ Creative /5./ Fashionista

I know, I know, I am flattered.  Next we have my friend K.  What can I say about K, she is ahhhhhhmaaaazzziiinnngggg.  Yes, amazing.  One of the most generous human beings ever to walk the face of the planet.  Here are her five words.

/1./ Intelligent /2./ Bonzer /3./ Fanciful /4./ Writer /5./ Debonair

She's so fancy, isn't she?  Love it!  If you have no clue what bonzer means, don't feel bad (I had no idea either).  I did look it up and it means awesome.  She thinks I'm awesome.  I now present you F.  F has known me longer than my own husband, and I've known him since I was nine.  We fight, we cry, and we make-up.  She is like family.  F's five words are.

/1./ Beautiful /2./ Sweet /2./ Humble /3./ Outspoken /4./ Warmhearted

What a doll!  Up next we have V.  V, I don't even know, she just gets me.  When I asked her for five words she gave me nine.  She proceeded to say that nine was not enough.  Well, what she actually said was that I needed categories, not just words.  I can't decide whether or not that is a compliment or an insult.  We will go with compliment.  These are V's five, I mean nine, words.

/1./ Compassionate /2./ Emotional /3./ Beautiful /4./ Intuitive /5./ Intelligent /6./ Feisty /7./ Trustworthy /8./ Loyal /9./ Hilarious 

I agree, I am hilarious.   Last, but certainly not least, we have my husband.  Honestly, there are moments that I feel he knows me better than my own mother.  Actually, he does.  These are the five words out of hundreds of words my husband chose to describe me.  

/1./ Intelligent /2./ Stubborn /3./ Optimistic /4./ Tough /5./ Emotional

I think he may have meant 'difficult' instead of 'tough', however, we will just leave it at that (I am both).  There you have it folks, "Renata, according to T, K, F, V, and the husband".  It doesn't get better than that.  And, I have no idea where that emotional thing came from.  I am far from emotional.  Okay, I lied, I am a hurricane.  

I promise no bribery was involved.  My people, well, I guess they love me.

xoxo

Good night, Friday.

"You had me at Friday"

Merry Friday!  After quite possibly the longest week of my life, the weekend is finally here.  Finally.  Even after eight hours of sleep I woke up exhausted.  Have you ever tried to open your front door with your car keys?  From the inside?  Yeah, I didn't think so.  This morning I did just that.  I walked up to the door, keys in hand, pressed the button and waited.  Dude, I waited.  I'm not exactly sure what I expected to happen.  What was I thinking?  Let me go back to sleep!

I took a step back, looked up at the door, said a quick thank you for the absence of witnesses, and walked out the door.  For the greater part of my day all I did was daydream of a big bed with a thousand pillows.  I cannot fathom the reason I am still awake.  Well, honestly, I just needed to share this video.  Have I mentioned how much I love Joseph Gordon Levitt?  I haven't?  Well, I do.  His 'Nicki Minaj' number was the absolute cutest thing ever.  I'd choose him over Brad Pitt any-day-of-the-week.  True story. 

Without further ado, I present to you, the best lip synch battle I've seen this week.  I may have to convince my friends to play this game.  Any takers?  

Whatever it is that you are doing on this Friday evening, do it happily and with love.    I for one prefer spending Friday night in my pajamas.

Good night!

xoxo

Have our paths crossed?

"When two people meet, each one is changed by the other so you've got two new people." 

John Steinbeck

We are inextricably connected to all the individuals we meet.  Every-single-one-of-them.    There is no such thing as an insignificant moment.  There is no such thing as an insignificant encounter.  Each meeting, each conversation, each smile, they are all of consequence.  From the stranger you exchanged a glance with, to the boy you  shared a kiss with, once upon a time.  It all matters.

There was once a time where I pleaded with my heart to just let go.  It is so much easier to let go, isn't it?  To forget all the memories, to simply shut out those individuals that caused you so much hurt.  Well, I don't feel like that anymore.  It matters.  Even the hurt, the pain, the tears.  In the grand scheme of things, all those bits of your life matter.  The consequential and the inconsequential, every second holds weight in the journey of your life.

Which leads me to this glorious evening.  For a good five minutes I sat staring at the computer screen.  Staring into the glare of my reflection.  And, the same resounding thought came to me, as it always does.  Am I thought of as much as I think of others?  Right now, is there someone, somewhere, thinking about whether or not he or she has crossed my mind?  And, if you need an answer, then yes, they have.  I think of all the lives I have somehow touched.  I think of all the lives that have touched mine.

This photograph seems like a lifetime ago.  I admit, I am horrible at keeping in touch.  It is quite shameful at times, to be honest.  Yet, not a moment goes by when I don't sit and think of each and every one of you.  I imagine the moments we shared, close my eyes, and smile.  I hold each of you like a memory of a wonderful and beautiful summer, tucked away safely in the corner of my heart.  My life was  forever changed in our chance encounter.  It was made fuller, greater, better.  

So, the next time you meet someone, remember, you could be exactly what their soul is looking for.

xoxo 

On a Friday.

"The universe may not always play fair, but at least it's got a hell of a sense of humor."

Carrie Bradshaw

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Welcome Friday, welcome!  I have been waiting desperately for your arrival.  When you are sick the days seem to go by excruciatingly slow, tick-tock-tick-tock.  And, when I thought the worst was over, congestion slaps me right in the face, holy sinuses.  Hello stuffy nose.  Hello scratchy voice.  Goodbye easy breathing.  Being sick blows.  Being sick and going to work?  Oh, well that is just a fiesta.

You know what I enjoy when I am not feeling well?  A Sex and The City marathon.  I just love being carried away.  I may or may not have watched the same episode six, seven, twenty times in a row.  And, guess what?  I'd watch them a hundred times more.  Sex and The City is a staple of a time I look back with warm fondness.  A time where life was easy, not better, not worst, just easy.  Those were the days where I would crave noise, chaos, and crowds on a Friday.  These days I yearn for silence, peace, and Felipe.  My, oh my, how things have changed.  

On this particular Friday night?  I want the couch and a little soiree with Carrie, Charlotte, Samantha, and Miranda.  Oh, Felipe and Ziggy can join too.  I am taking this weekend to renew and rejuvenate.  This girl needs her rest, and maybe her vitamin C.  What are your weekend plans?  Whatever you decide make it a super-di-duper one (yes, I just went there).

xoxo

  

Hunter Green Errthangg!

"Forget the Rules.  If you Like it, Wear it"

You may not know this about me, but I do actually use 'errthangg' in my vocabulary.  True story.  Something else you may not know?  I am a closet fashionista.  Though I would never attempt a go at a fashion blog (I'm not good with the whole picture taking thing) I like to dress as if I am going to a fashion show (most of the time).  However, I am so obsessed with Hunter Green that I could not hold back my feelings.  I must share with anyone and everyone my sick obsession.  This Fall I am going to make Hunter Green my bish.  For real.

Just look at all that green goodness.  I cannot wait for the next person to ask me if I am 'going green'.  I just want to scream out, "Damn straight."  My mother is an amazing crochet artist.  AMAZING!  You see that Hunter Green cowl?  Well, it is going on my momma to-do-list.  Those nails?  I may just have that as a manicure from now until next summer.  I am also loving that Dooney and Burke bucket bag.  IN LOVE! To be honest, I have always had a love affair with the color green.  Always.  Hunter Green just takes the cake.  

So, this Saturday when I go get my usual mani/pedi you better believe I will be walking out of there with Hunter Green nails.  I have to start somewhere, might as well be with my nails.  And, the other week I saw the cutest Hunter Green pouch at Forever 21 for only $12.99.  Silly me decided not to get it (I was obviously not feeling like myself) and now I am kicking myself in the butt.  I am saying a little prayer, and crossing my fingers that it will still be there upon my return.  Probably not, but a girl can dream, right?

Oh, and let me be perfectly clear.  I do not intend on wearing all those Hunter Green items at one given time.  Well, maybe my nails will coordinate, but, that is just because I don't think I can part with a Hunter Green mani.  Besides the nails, I would not attempt an all Hunter Green ensemble.  For one you are not a Leprechaun, and secondly, it is not St. Patrick's day (even then you are pushing it).  If you are lucky I may get a picture or two of my Hunter Green inspired wardrobe this Fall, maybe.  This Fall what color are you itching to wear?  Whatever color inspires you, wear it loud and proud!

xoxo

A Sick Girl's Essentials.

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Last Thursday I awoke with a funky soreness in my throat.  I thought nothing of it and went about my day.  Come Sunday night and bam!  One o'clock in the morning rolled around and my husband wakes me up by saying, "Babe, babe, you are shaking uncontrollably, are you okay?"  Apparently, I was not okay.  Apparently, I had a fever.  So, I did something I refuse to do under normal circumstances; I took some cold medicine and went back to bed.  Monday morning rolled around and I had the full-blown flu.  Lucky me!  So, I toughed it out on Monday and took Tuesday off to rest.  While I lay on the couch I had an epiphany.  When you are sick there are certain things you absolutely must have.  You know, kind of like a 'Sick Girl's Essentials'.  Don't worry I am willing to share.  

1.) The first thing you MUST do is take a warm shower and put on a pair of clean and comfortable pajamas.

2.) Bring your pillows and a blanket and make a cozy spot on your favorite part of the couch.

3.) Arrange an area on your coffee table to set all your necessary sick girl items.  My must have items include: EOS chapstick, a box of tissues (preferably the tissues that smell like Vicks VapoRub), Bath & Body Works' warm vanilla sugar hand sanitzer (disinfect those germy hands), Bath & Body Works' moonlight path lotion (moisturize those hands after all that hand sanitzer), a thermometer, and a glass full of water.

4.) Make yourself, or have someone,  make you a batch of soup.  My favorite?  My crazy concoction of chicken, carrots, potatoes, celery, northern beans, onions, garlic, kale, and noodles soup.  It sounds weird, but dudes, it helps.  Trust.

5.) Keep that echinacea tea, lemon, and honey on standby.  You never know when you'll need a natural kick of germ fighting herbs.

6.) Find a television show that you can watch various back-to-back episodes.  I decided that I would finally watch 'Felicity'.  Why didn't I watch this show when it first came out?  Yeah, I don't know what I was thinking.  It is the bomb.  Felicity and I could be soul sisters, ya dig?

7.) DO NOT UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCE MOVE OUT OF THAT COMFY SPOT ON YOUR COUCH.  Stay there all day long, only get up to use the restroom, refill your glass of water, and fill your bowl with soup.

8.)  Be kind to yourself.  Be kind to your body.  Be kind to your soul.  Just let your body rest.

9.) Have a sick-time buddy.  Ziggles, I heart your little fluffy self.  I know, I know, we are definitely team Noel ;)

10.) Lastly, make sure you have absolutely awesome friends who will send you lots and lots of "get well soon" text messages.  I have the best of friends.  I am feeling very loved.

And, this morning I went to work.  I am not feeling one hundred percent, however, considering the way I felt Monday and Tuesday, today is a great improvement.  We don't ever want to be sick, I know.  Yet, having these little rules with you next time the little bug comes around will ease the pain, I promise.  Just in case, stock up on Emergen-C, flu season is just around the corner!

xoxo

Renata Untangled: Part Deux

“I like flaws and feel more comfortable around people who have them. I myself am made entirely of flaws, stitched together with good intentions.” 

Augusten Burroughs

Today is the day.  You know, the second part of 'Renata Untangled'.  You sensed this would be a good day, didn't you?  Surprisingly, this is much more difficult than I had originally expected.  So, here we go.

1.)  If it were possible I'd eat ice cream for breakfast, lunch, and dinner.  What can I say, I'm a dessert kind of girl.

2.)  I wear very little make-up on a daily basis.  However, I can't go without blush, ever.

3.)  I am still a sucker for young adult novels.  I'm not sure I'll ever get past this.  Am I embarrassed?  Nope, not at all.

4.)   I don't have a favorite color.  I don't have a favorite movie.  I don't have a favorite song.  Basically, I do not have favorites.  I may really, really, really like something, however, I'd never say it was my favorite.  I guess I just can't commit.  I must keep my options open.

5.)  As a young child I used to hate the beach.  The idea of having sand stuck to my entire body made me cringe.  I loved the water, I loved collecting sea shells, but I hated the sand.

And, that concludes the second installation of getting to know Renata.  I can only imagine how entertaining it must be to learn random facts about a complete stranger.  I know, I know, awesome!  Stick around, you never know when one of these posts will pop up.

xoxo

Renata Untangled.

"Conformity is the jailer of freedom and the enemy of growth."

John Fitzgerald Kennedy

It is almost impossible to get a well-written post on Saturday and Sunday.  Unless of course I am feeling particularly inspired.  Which has not been the case these last few weeks.  Actually, it isn't lack of inspiration, it is more like the overabundance of laziness.  Yes, my name is Renata and laziness takes over me at about 5:01 PM on Friday.  What is a girl to do?  So, therefore, in order to make a serious attempt at the 'one-post-a-day' I am going to do the easiest thing there is in the blogging world:  I am going to talk about myself!  Aren't you lucky!  And, to make it super fun (yes, I use the word super on the reg) I am going to break it down into two parts.  I know, I know, you are so welcome.  Here goes nothing...

1.) I could never pick between Biggie or Tupac.  Nope, sorry, I just cannot do it.  East Coast?  West Coast?  Why can't we all just get along, peace and love, that is what I'm about.

2.)  I am ridiculously stubborn.  You know that really stubborn friend you have?  Well, I make that friend look like a cute little puppy.  Just ask my mother.  

3.)  There are only two men in my life that have heard me say 'I love you'.  My husband being one of them.  No, this does not include family.  

4.)  I am not a huge fan of American chocolate (Hola, my name is Renata, I am a chocolate snob).  However, if you offer me a snickers, I won't say no.  Dude, it is chocolate, I never say no to chocolate.  I eat chocolate like it is my job.  Can it be my job?

5.)  When I was in high school I would buy a plain bagel with cream cheese almost every-single-morning.  My bagel obsession even earned me the nickname "Bagel Girl".  I was unaware of this moniker until I dated one of the boys who coined it.  Hey, it could have been worst.  Trust me, it could always be worst.

And if you didn't know, well, now you know.  Tomorrow Part Deux.  Stay tuned!

xoxo

It is so nice to see you...

"Today I am Excited About Everything"

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It is Friday.  Can I get an AMEN!  Let me just tell you that this week has been the longest shortest week of my young life.  You see the photograph of that cute little primate below?  That would be an accurate description of how I am feeling at this very moment.  At least he looks cute while drooling, right?  My thoughts exactly.  Don't get me wrong.  I do not always wish time away (unless it is Monday morning, then I'm wishing it is Friday).  However, these last few days have been rough.  Let me break it down for ya.  Imagine an enormous yellow school bus has run you over.   Now, imagine that enormous yellow school bus hits the brakes and then reverses to hit you one more time.  Jackpot!  

Friday, my heart goes pitter patter when I know you are approaching.  It is the indicator of freedom.  Freedom for one night and two whole days.  Friends, make today an unforgettable day.  Turn this weekend into a positive one.  Call that friend you've been missing.  Hug your loved ones a little tighter.  Breathe in the hope that a new day brings.  Remember, once again you are given a clean slate, make the most of it.

xoxo

I am throwin' it back, and?

Be Happy.  Be Bright.  Be You.

Yes, I am going there.  Actually, I just went there.  It is #throwbackthursday around these parts.  Look at that skinny minnie.  Who is that girl?  I barely recognize her.  That girl, goodness, she had no idea what was awaiting her.  That girl was clueless.  Then again, we are all clueless at fifteen, aren't we?  At fifteen we walk around as though we own the world.  At fifteen we think we know exactly what we are doing.  At fifteen any advice is too much advice, and we are adamant about the fact that no one understands.  We are invincible.

Every so often I wonder what I would have done differently if I were given the chance.  What would I do if I were given a second chance at being fifteen.  Would I change anything?  Would I have made different choices?  And, every single time the answer is the same:  I don't know.  Yes, 'I don't know' is a perfectly legitimate answer.  Of course there are moments I wish I could take back.  The heartbreak, the tears, the pain I think I would have been okay without them.  Yet, I am afraid that if I changed even a single second of that girl's journey, that somehow the outcome of my present life would be altered.  You know, kind of like the 'butterfly effect'?  Would I be sitting at this exact place, at this  exact moment?  Would my fingers be hitting the keyboard writing out this very post?  Exactly, I do not know, and neither do you.

Now, if I had a chance to chat with that girl, well, that would be an entirely different story.  If I were given a chance I'd pick up the telephone and give her a ring.  I'd tell her to take more chances, risk it all, fall in love, fall out of love, and never, ever stop dreaming.  I would tell her to fall for the bad boy, love him like crazy, embrace the heartache, dust off her skirt, and just keep on looking forward.  Because the end game will be worth the wait and the juice  will definitely be worth the squeeze.

xoxo

Happy Labor Day.

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Happy, happy Labor Day!  The one day out of the entire year you celebrate work by NOT working.  Absolutely incredible.  Labor Day, the first Monday in September, is a creation of the labor movement and is dedicated to the social and economic achievements of American workers. It constitutes a yearly national tribute to the contributions workers have made to the strength, prosperity, and well-being of our country (according to the U.S. Department of Labor).  I mean, I could not have said it any better than that, could I?

So, kick back and relax.  No matter what your occupation.  No matter how big or small your contribution, you have added to the collective greatness of this amazing nation.  Give yourself a pat on the back!  You are awesome.  

Labor Day also traditionally signifies the end of summer.  I mean sure Fall does not actually start till September 22nd, however, to me Fall started three weeks ago.  And, the whole "no white" after Labor Day?  Well, I have six words: I can do what I want.  That includes wearing white whenever and wherever I feel like.  

xoxo

What the duck!

"Never trust a pretty girl with an ugly secret."

Pretty Little Liars

This past Tuesday was the summer finale for Pretty Little Liars.  My thoughts?  Well, honestly, they were a tad inappropriate.  At the very end of the episode I may or may not have screamed, "WHAT THE DUCK!" (except it was actually a word that starts with the letter F).  I mean, seriously?  SERIOUSLY?  This big reveal was made and all I have are MORE questions.  And, if you think the Halloween episode is going to answer some of those questions you are wrong.  Very, very wrong (I've done my research).

In order to get any sort of answer you will have to wait till January for the winter premier.  Now, if you are anything like me (obsessive and crazy) you googled the ish out of all the possible -A theories on the web.  Dudes, unless you are willing to waste a good hour of your life, don't even attempt it.  You will be sucked into a world of You Tube videos and Tumblrs.  And, though the theories are quite interesting, they will only fuel your anxiety.  Trust me, been there, done that.

My friend and I are pretty sure that Aria is actually -A and surprisingly there are many clues to support this theory.  Don't believe me?  Google 'Aria is A theory'.  Watch the videos, all the videos. Your mind will be blown.  BLOWN!  The only question in my mind is what is her motive?  Sure, these theories state that she has a multiple personality disorder.  However, what trauma would have caused her mental illness to poke its pretty little head?  

And, if Ezra is -A, or is part of the -A team where does his relationship with Aria fit in?  And if they are both members of the -A team why are they doing this?  Bonnie and Clyde?  Was Ezra the older man Ali was dating?  If so, and Ali is really alive why did she not warn Aria about his level of crazy?  You see, questions, upon questions, upon questions, upon questions.  It is a never ending list of why this and why that.  I am exhausted just thinking about it.

WHY?  All  I want to know is why.  Oh, and is Ali alive?  I mean, I think she is, yet, anything is possible in Rosewood.  Is she dead?  Do the girls see her ghost?  Wouldn't that make them all crazy?  Does Ali have a twin?  Or are all the twin references actually pointing towards Aria's split personality?  Is Cecee working for -A and for Red Coat?  Is Red Coat Ali?  What are Melissa and Wren up to?   And who killed IAN?  Have we forgotten the mischief and chaos -A has wreaked?  Have we forgotten that Ian was killed?  I certainly have not!  Marlene King, I need some answers.    

Obsessive much?  Definitely.  Ashamed?  Not a single bit.  I am 27 years old and am utterly obsessed with a teeny bopper show #truestory 

Sue me.

xoxo

Thank you, whoever you are.

Today I came across "A Little Book of Thank Yous: Letters, Notes & Quotes" by Addie Johnson.  It was almost as though I were meant to find it.  The book was sitting on a shelf at work asking to be taken home.  A shelf mind you, that I stand in front of at least three times a day.  A shelf I have stared at while waiting for the printer to do its job.  This 127 page book has been sitting there all this time waiting for me to notice.  

Coincidence?  Hmmm, a past version of me would probably think so.  Today I am not so sure.  Last Friday was rough.  Last Friday was not the kind you wish for.  Then yesterday morning I found a blue bag filled with chocolates and a card.  It was simple.  A simple thank you.  And, it was all it took for me to realize that gratitude comes in many forms.  Sometimes the smallest of gestures are the ones that hold the most meaning.  They are the ones you recall years and years from now.

There are moments in life that all a person needs is a thank you.  Those two words make a world of difference.  Below are five quotes that I am thankful for existing.  Read them.  Share them. Love them.  

"As we express our gratitude, we must never forget that the highest appreciation is not to utter words, but to live by them"

john fitzgerald kennedy

"What we have done for ourselves alone dies with us; what we have done for others and the world remains and is immortal"

albert pike

"The greatest gift is a portion of thyself"

ralph waldo emerson

"How far that little candle throws his beans! So shines a good deed in a naughty world"

shakespeare

"If the only prayer you ever say in your entire life is "thank you", it will be enough"

meister eckhart

Lastly, one that really hit close to home.

"I still miss those I loved who are no longer with me but I find I am grateful for having loved them.  The gratitude has finally conquered the loss"

rita mae brown

It is all about the little things.  And, if you find yourself coming back to my little space on the internet, thank you.  Thank you, thank you, thank you.  Whoever you may be, I am so glad you are here.  

xoxo

In Hope I trust.

"Hope is definitely not the same thing as optimism.  It is not the conviction that something will turn out well, but the certainty that something makes sense, regardless of how it turns out."

Vaclav Havel

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This entire last month has been entirely too strange for words.  Strange, there truly is no better way to describe it.  Day-after-day-after-day-after-day, no matter how great the attempt, I always felt the same.  Distraught.  Defeated.  Drained.  There was no escape, no running away, my mind kept pulling me  back every time I tried.  Whenever I put pen-to-paper I found my ideas were sullen and filled with sadness.  Try as I might, I couldn't think of anything positive to say.  I could not think of joy.  A small part of me felt as though I were betraying my grandmother if I were happy.  A part of me felt guilty and torn.  How could I be laughing and having a good time when she is gone?  I felt guilty for living.  

It almost did not seem fair.  Why did she have to go?  Why couldn't it have just been a scare?  Why, why, why?  I know, it is just part of the grieving process.  It seems almost inconceivable that one day I will accept that death, like birth,  is just an inevitable part of this journey.  

And, so, I hope that today will be the last of these sad posts (at least for a very good while).  There will be days where it may seem impossible to be happy, I know, that is life.  However, I will not allow those feelings to consume me.  My grandmother made it her mission to see the ones she loved happy.  Who am I to disappoint her?  

I have found that in hoping for better days, those days are bound to come. I have found that hope exists even in the darkest of days.  I have found that it is true, hope is the last thing that dies.  I hope, I hope, I hope.  I hope that everything will be okay.

xoxo  

Lightly, ever so lightly.

“It’s dark because you are trying too hard. Lightly child, lightly. Learn to do everything lightly. Yes, feel lightly even though you’re feeling deeply. Just lightly let things happen and lightly cope with them. So throw away your baggage and go forward. There are quicksands all about you, sucking at your feet, trying to suck you down into fear and self-pity and despair. That’s why you must walk so lightly. Lightly my darling...” 

Aldous Huxley

A couple of weeks ago, while perusing Instagram (okay, stalking people on Instagram) I came across these beautiful words.  It was a post from Literally, Darling (check them out) and it stayed with me.  Since that day, around two weeks ago, I have read that quote several times.  My inner being is twisted, molded, and changed every time.  To some, a photograph may be worth a thousand words.  But for me?  Always go with words (preferably handwritten words).  I must harbor an old soul.

Today, on this Friday the 16th, in all of your actions, I ask of you, tread lightly.  And, when you feel lost, with little hope to guide your way, read this quote again.  You will not be disappointed.  Your mind and body will crave the lightness.  Sooner or later, you will find yourself coming out of your old shell feeling light and renewed.

Change, it does wonders to you.  So, this weekend, make a conscious effort to do all things lightly.  Happy Friday.  Above all, happy weekend.  

xoxo

Far, Far Better Things...

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I could not have said it better myself.  The hope that the best is yet to come is what keeps us going.  Knowing when to let go and move on will make you a much happier individual.  I have always been, and always will be, a sensitive human being.  It isn't because I take things too personal.  It isn't because I take things too seriously.  I just feel too many feelings.  I  always expect the very best in people.  I simply cannot accept any less. 

Despite this very public blog, I am a very private person.  Yes, I am an extrovert.  Yes, I am a social butterfly.  Yes, I would most likely put Chatty Cathy to shame.  However, a part of me believes that certain issues, certain situations, certain events, are best kept to myself.  So, on those rare occasions when someone finally makes it past those barriers, my heart expands just a tiny bit.  It gives me hope.  I shine just a little brighter.  However, ultimately, in the end I am always left disappointed.  Again, it must be my very high expectations. Expectations that individuals always fail to live up to.

I lost someone very dear to me.  I lost someone whom I loved.  I didn't think I could talk about it, about how I felt, about how devastated I was.  Yet, going against all my better judgement I did.  What did I get in return?  A phone call?  Nope.  An e-mail?  Nope.  A text message?  Nope.  For 16 days all I have to show is silence.  Silence.  It is true what they say; the silence is answer enough.

When the sun goes down and the stars come out, I find myself struggling with what I should do next.  Nothing.  I will do nothing.  It is like C.S. Lewis has said, "There are far, far better things ahead than any we leave behind".

xoxo

Day Two: post surgery Ziggles.

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Last night I did not sleep a wink.  With Ziggy's current situation, I felt that he shouldn't sleep alone.  So, being the good fur momma that I am, I slept downstairs in the guest room, Ziggy included.  Oh-my-goodness.  Every hour on the hour I was startled from sleep.  He cried, he whined, he ran from one end of the room to the other, he did not sit still.  At around three in the morning I woke up and realized he was not in the room.  I sat motionless on the bed waiting, and then I heard him.  Apparently, Ziggy decided to take a walk around the house and then could not find his way back.  I-kid-you-not.  I found him in the family room lost and whimpering.  The Ziggles is overly dramatic, seriously.

Ziggy Marley is part of our little family.  It pains me to see him so uncomfortable.  He paces back and forth, back and forth, he rolls over on the rug, runs around in circles and looks at me,  pleading, "Please, please, take this off of my furry neck!".  How are we going to survive the next eight days?  Did I mention he sits still for about 0.005 seconds?  Did I mention his anxiety is giving me anxiety?  I am exhausted just by watching him.  Felipe finds this amusing.  Well, of course he does, he slept through the night.  But, I love the little fur ball.  

It looks as though I will be spending yet another night downstairs.  A part of me is just a little nervous leaving him alone to wander.  Ziggy Marley cannot be trusted.  I may be risking yet another night of sleep.  However, isn't that what you do for the ones you love?  Sure, he may just be a doggy, but, he is my doggy.  He is our little bratty fur child.  Though he is driving me bananas, I adore his little face.  Only eight more days.  Eight more days.  

Ziggles 2, Renata 0.

xoxo

You Cannot Be Serious.

You know that expression, "When it rains, it pours"?  Well, goodness, I am a believer.  Most of you know that I lost my dear grandmother just two weeks ago.  Well, what you do not know is that two days after that our air conditioner broke.  Three days after that our dish washer started to leak (oh, the joys of being a home owner).  Then today, our fur baby had to undergo minor surgery (my poor bebe!).

Oh, and let's not forget that about ten minutes ago I found out that Christina Yang will be leaving "Grey's Anatomy".  WHAT-IN-THE-WORLD!  Christina, you cannot leave Meredith without a person!  Forget about making lemonade, I just want to throw those lemons against the wall, whatever.  I am over it.

At this very moment my little Ziggles sits at my feet crying.  And there is nothing this fur momma can do to alleviate his pain.  This morning our Ziggy had to be put under anesthesia to drain & flush the abscess that had developed on his anal gland (I know, I know, TMI).  I have successfully given him his antibiotic and his pain medication.  However, that blue thing around his furry face is making him one grouchy pup.  

My little ball of fluff is so unhappy.  I cannot wait till he has his spunkiness back.  He didn't even greet me at the door this afternoon.  The vet said that he should be a little better by tomorrow, say a little prayer for us.

I don't even know how I will handle real live children.  How do you momma's do it?  

xoxo

Catharsis.

“We are all going, I thought, and it applies to turtles and turtlenecks, Alaska the girl and Alaska the place, because nothing can last, not even the earth itself. The Buddha said that suffering was caused by desire, we'd learned, and that the cessation of desire meant the cessation of suffering. When you stopped wishing things wouldn't fall apart, you'd stop suffering when they did.”

John Green

John Green has stolen my heart.  His words comfort me in ways I could never fully describe.  These last few days have been an eye opener.  Life is so very fragile.  Fragile and magnificent.  Love, forgive, and then love some more.  In an instant your life could drastically change.  Make sure that you love with all of your heart, all of your being, all that you can and maybe some more.  Our time here on Earth is only made worthy if we love.  

I will no longer be a grudge holder (it just isn't worth it).  At this very second I am letting go of all the hurt I've held inside.  Losing someone makes you realize the important things in life.  You come to understand that there are certain aspects of life that are just not worth dwelling over.  People make mistakes, what can ya do?

For the last three days I have had the same dream, over, and over, and over again.  At first I couldn't understand what it meant.  Now, I think I do.  Not everything in life will have closure.  Some things just end with no rhyme nor reason about them.  Not a thing could have been done differently.  In every scenario you'd have the same ending.  In every instance you'd end up with the same result.  It wasn't anything you did.  It wasn't anything you failed to do.  Some occurrences in life just are. You just need to learn to recognize those instances and let them go.  And, I am letting go.  I am letting go.

xoxo

Mending my Broken Heart.

“See, as much as you want to hold on to the bitter sore memory that someone has left this world, you are still in it”

Jodi Picoult

Alzira Ribeiro Astolpho

April 26, 1944-July 29, 2013

We laugh, we live, we love, we lose.  We realize all too soon that we have little control in this life.  We realize that yes, we are invincible.  To live is not a right.  To live is a privilege.  To know what it is to be loved, an honor.  

When we lose a person we love the universe comes to an abrupt stop.  In an instant everything you once thought you knew disappears.  You are jolted by despair, grief, and sadness.  All hope is lost.  You are left with a gaping hole and a broken heart.  And, in your head a voice keeps saying, "How will I ever be okay again?".

On Monday July 29th 2013 I lost my grandmother.  My tenacious, energetic, stubborn, and beautiful grandmother is gone.  In a way it still seems incredibly surreal.  I fool myself into believing this is just a nightmare.  At any moment I will wake up.  Then the chaos stops, the noise settles, and I am alone with my thoughts again.  My heart aches, my throat tightens, and my eyes well up with tears.  Goodbye, grandma.

When we lose a person we love we feel our pain is unique, different, incomparable.  We feel as though our pain is greater, stronger, more difficult to bear.  We feel as though not a single person  could possibly ever understand.  Words cannot console us. Our lives are forever changed.

Time.  I just wanted a little more time.  More time for hugs, more time for laughs, more time for expressing love.  I just needed a little more time.  Then I realize, no amount of time would ever be enough.  Because as humans our appetite for time surpasses all our basic needs.  We all yearn for a little more time.

I find solace in knowing my grandmother did not suffer.  It is oddly comforting to know she will know longer know the cruelty of this world.  I have faith that someday I will see her again.  One day I will once again feel the warmth of her embrace, the cheer in her laughter, the love in her voice.  And when I close my eyes I see her face, I hear her voice, I feel her presence.

My heart is broken.  A million shattered pieces lying on the ground below me.  My heart is broken, and a piece will always be missing.  Vó Zira, I will love you forever, always.

May your soul rest in peace.

xo