“See, as much as you want to hold on to the bitter sore memory that someone has left this world, you are still in it”
Jodi Picoult
Alzira Ribeiro Astolpho
April 26, 1944-July 29, 2013
We laugh, we live, we love, we lose. We realize all too soon that we have little control in this life. We realize that yes, we are invincible. To live is not a right. To live is a privilege. To know what it is to be loved, an honor.
When we lose a person we love the universe comes to an abrupt stop. In an instant everything you once thought you knew disappears. You are jolted by despair, grief, and sadness. All hope is lost. You are left with a gaping hole and a broken heart. And, in your head a voice keeps saying, "How will I ever be okay again?".
On Monday July 29th 2013 I lost my grandmother. My tenacious, energetic, stubborn, and beautiful grandmother is gone. In a way it still seems incredibly surreal. I fool myself into believing this is just a nightmare. At any moment I will wake up. Then the chaos stops, the noise settles, and I am alone with my thoughts again. My heart aches, my throat tightens, and my eyes well up with tears. Goodbye, grandma.
When we lose a person we love we feel our pain is unique, different, incomparable. We feel as though our pain is greater, stronger, more difficult to bear. We feel as though not a single person could possibly ever understand. Words cannot console us. Our lives are forever changed.
Time. I just wanted a little more time. More time for hugs, more time for laughs, more time for expressing love. I just needed a little more time. Then I realize, no amount of time would ever be enough. Because as humans our appetite for time surpasses all our basic needs. We all yearn for a little more time.
I find solace in knowing my grandmother did not suffer. It is oddly comforting to know she will know longer know the cruelty of this world. I have faith that someday I will see her again. One day I will once again feel the warmth of her embrace, the cheer in her laughter, the love in her voice. And when I close my eyes I see her face, I hear her voice, I feel her presence.
My heart is broken. A million shattered pieces lying on the ground below me. My heart is broken, and a piece will always be missing. Vó Zira, I will love you forever, always.
May your soul rest in peace.
xo
I'm so sorry Renata :( My heart breaks for you. She seems like such a special lady.
ReplyDelete"To live is not a right. To live is a privilege. To know what it is to be loved, an honor." Beautiful! Your grandma could not be in a better place Ren, and you have just been blessed with a very special guardian angel :)
ReplyDeletexoxo
Hey Re! It's difficult for all, but i know that our grandma still live in our hearts and memories
ReplyDeletemiss ya xoxo
Leticia
Please accept my deepest condolences. So sorry about your grandma! :-(((
ReplyDeleteLosing a loved one is shitty times infinity, and THEN some. Ugh. The pain never goes away (my dad died almost 20yrs ago) but you don't feel it like you do in those early days...in fact, you very rarely feel it, the vast majority of the time you only think about the happy times which: thank you, time.
Hugs!