What Momma Really Wants for Christmas.

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My "I Want" Christmas list is probably a mile long.  It includes unnecessary things such as but not limited to: Christian Dior So Real Sunglasses, the Louis Vuitton Pallas bag, and Valentino pumps (Actually, I think I do really need these).  My "I need" list, well, pretty much goes something like this, new underwear (Yes, you've read that right).  Seriously, I haven't gone underwear shopping in what feels like years.  Momma needs some underpants, ya'll.  However, if Santa were to really grant my momma wishes this is what he'd place underneath the Christmas tree (well, not literally, if you know what I mean).

1.> A full-time house cleaner.  I may be wrong (which I rarely am) but this is probably every.single.mothers.dream.  Can you even imagine the wonderful life it would be?  Santa, can you read this?  Do you accept Christmas emails?

2.> A personal chef; specifically one that cooks breakfast, lunch, and dinner seven days a week.  Okay, okay six days a week.  The thought of this makes my heart go pitter-patter.  Home-made Belgian waffles on a Tuesday morning?  Coming right up!

3.> One year's worth of full-body massages.  Enough said.

4.> One year's worth of manicures and pedicures.  There is just something about a freshly made manicure and pedicure that does wonders to my psyche.  Having the perfect nails all year round, well, hot damn.

5.> A personal stylist, a personal hairstylist, and a personal make-up artist. On-call, twenty four hours a day.  Kidding, I sleep for at least seven of those hours.

6.> And last but certainly not least, a lifetime supply of wine.  Red, white, whatever.  Just wrap it and put a bow on it.

My favorite Christmas song as a child was "Santa Claus is Coming to Town"; If you see me Santa, you know what's up.

xx

I'll never be #instafamous.

Hand me a box of tissues!  Truth: I have spent the last .0893475 seconds enjoying a good cry.  Apparently, I have been misusing Instagram all this time.  ALL THOSE YEARS.  ALL THOSE PHOTOS.  ALL THAT INSTANT GOODNESS.  Ya'll if you didn't know, Instagram is NOT for snapshots.  Oh-no-it-is-not.  Apparently, Instagram is the place where you a.) Share super staged photos taken with your DSLR, b.) Share super staged photos taken by professional photographers, or c.) Share super staged photos under only the most perfect of natural light, duh.  Can't do any one of those?  Well, then you my friend, have zero chance of becoming #instafamous.  I KNOW, turn on the waterworks.

I can't speak for all instagram users of the world, however, I am almost certain that this popular social media outlet was created to be used with your phone.  Um, I don't know about you, but when I hear "instagram" the word instant comes to mind.  Taking your DSLR out, arranging people and things just right, well, that doesn't sound "instant" to me.  Does it to you?  Am I guilty of posting photos taken with my DSLR?  Yes, yes I am.  Do I do it on an everyday basis?  No, no I don't.  I'm probably just hating on the person that has the time, and the patience to do this.  Staging photographs with a little toddler that demands your attention, well, that shit just isn't going to happen.

Are you a professional photographer?  Do you have friend that is a professional photographer?  Are you financially capable of having a photographer take hundreds of photographs of you, your family, your house & all the knick-knacks you've got lying around?  If you answered yes to any of these questions, well, I don't like you and we can't be friends.  Just kidding.  However, you must be capable of answering yes to at least ONE of these questions if you want to be the bees knees of the instaworld.  Not kidding.  

Feeling bitter?  Don't ya worry, if you have the opportunity to spend the majority of the daylight hours in the comfort of your home, you still have a chance.  Seize the natural lighting!  Me?  Well, I can kiss that "#instalife goodbye.  I am a full-time working momma; and I am pretty certain that the head of my department would not approve of the whole, "bring your DSLR & Tripod" to work thing.  Unless fluorescent lighting is your jam, I ain't your #instamodel.  Yellow tinge is my name, crappy instafeed is my game. Holla!

Follow me @leaveittoren if you're in the mood for a B-List instafeed, where crappy lighting and bathroom selfies are always in style ;)

xo

Ren