I'm a mother effin' mombie.

Let me state for the record (my record, obviously) that I wrote this entire post twice-yesterday. Mysteriously, it disappeared from my drafts, $&%#. I can think up quite a few choice words for how I felt in that moment, but, for the sake of keeping this zone PG we'll just stick with, gosh DARN it (emphasis on the darn). 

So, let's talk about sleep. Or in the case at mi casa right now, the lack thereof. I had no idea that the sleep patterns of an almost seven month old was absolutely unpredictable. These last few nights have been rough. My body feels as though it spent a week gettin' down in Vegas sans the rum and cokes. Before you get all excited about how I'm a new mom and these things are to be expected, let me just say that, yes, I knew to expect this. What I didn't expect was to be so divided as to how to deal with said sleeplessness.

You see, at the moment I feel as though I am suffering from a multiple personality disorder. My 3:30 AM self has gotten to her breaking point. She cannot possibly take one more night of fiesta a la Livi. She NEEDS to sleep more than a two hour stretch. My 3:30 AM self purchases things like the "Sleepeasy Solution" book and promises that tomorrow sleep training will commence. Hasty decisions made after sleep walking and banging into bedposts to make it to my babe. My exhausted, disheveled, breast milk smelling, pony tail wearing self knows Livi doesn't need to nurse multiple times throughout the night. She knows that 12:30 and 3:30 AM feedings can essentially be eliminated. She's gaining weight and eats plenty throughout the day. My 3:30 AM self knows that sleeping through the night is possible (it's happened multiple times). 

Then my 10:45 AM, super crunchy, wannabe hippy, no perfume wearing, won't feed my child sugar till she's one (longer if I can help it), takes a power nap and emerges a changed woman. She sits down little miss bags under her eyes and calmly shows her the alternative. Maybe sleeping through the night is a developmental milestone; one we have yet to reach (But we will!). Maybe my sweet babe needs those extra calories and those extra cuddles and her momma's touch.  Maybe this is just the way of the world.  Some babes sleep through the night, other babes do not; you get the picture.  My 10:45 AM self accepts that sleepless nights and drowsy days are just another aspect to parenting.  She wants to say, "Pick up that baby, she will only be this little once."  My 10:45 AM self wants to hug my 3:30 AM self and tell her that THIS is PARENTHOOD. 

Then we have my 5:00 PM self.  She is the semi crunchy, semi practical, trust your gut, go with the flow kind of gal.  My 5:00 PM self says take it one day and one hour at a time.  She understands that there will be good days and bad days.  My 5:00 PM self is comfortable in knowing that when the time comes she will know which route to take.   She believes in gentle sleep training when the time is right.  She gets that it isn't entirely one way or the other.  My 5:00 PM self is okay with a little mixed approach.  She wants to scream, "THIS TOO SHALL PASS."

At this very second, my 10:30 PM self is saying, "Good night, good luck, now get your ass to bed (okay, so we are keeping it PG-13). For once I don't feel at all divided.  

Mombie (mom zombie) signing out.

xo

Renata