I want it now.

"The two hardest tests on the spiritual road are the patience to wait for the right moment and the courage not to be disappointed with what we encounter." 

Paulo Coelho

When I want something, I want it now.  I do not want to wait five months, five weeks, five days, nor five hours.  I want it now.  Which is weird considering I am very patient in my professional life.  In my personal life?  Not so much.  At this very moment I want something badly.  I want it so much it pains me.  Yet, the more I want it, the further it is from my reach.  The further it is from my reach, the more I want it.  It is a crazy, vicious cycle.

The more sane part of me thinks, "Renata, be patient, it will happen, just give it time."  However, I am not sane, nor am I patient.  Being impatient?  Now that I am good at.  Actually, I am great at being impatient.  I want something and I want it now.  Is it really too much to ask for?

I sit and watch as others take for granted what I so badly want.  It just isn't fair.  Sure, it sounds immature.  Sure, it sounds like I am being a child.  Yes, I understand that the world isn't fair.  Yet, I can't help it.  I can't help it.  I have spent so much time being an adult, being mature, and I am over it.  

For once I am just going to allow myself the freedom to feel how I want.  And, right now I am angry.  I am mad.  I am irate.  I am pulling a Veruca Salt and I could care less what anyone has to say.

xoxo