When it rains...

"Melancholy: an appetite no misery satisfies".

-Emil Cioran

I normally find comfort in the rain.  The gloominess one comes to associate with a rainy day calms me.  Not today.  Today the rain was different.  The rain was somber.  It seemed as though the sky would fall.  It was different.  A second turned into a minute, a minute into an hour, and suddenly the day had turned into night.  My rain, my comforting, calming, peace inducing rain betrayed me.  My rain betrayed me.  Today the rain was different.  As I sat staring out the window watching the drops splashing violently down the asphalt below me, it flooded me.  The sudden, overwhelming, pain inducing melancholy.  It washed over me.  It startled me.  The curious feeling of sadness.  The rain continued and the melancholic feeling spread to the tips of my unpolished fingers.    Hungry, ravenous, insatiable melancholy.  I paused.  Suddenly, I knew.  I missed it.  I longed for it.  I needed it.  Those days where a younger version of myself would crawl in my momma's bed and all my blues would fly away.  My blues.  My own, personalized, all consuming blues.  Why is it they call it the blues?  If today I were a color, today, well, today I would not be a color, I'd be gray.  A shade.  No more, no less.  And, with the seemingly never ending rain just outside my door, I welcome you melancholy.  I embrace you.  Because, all feelings are meant to be felt, and feel them I shall.

xoxo