Eureka!

"You better not mess with me because I take myself very seriously."
-Kristen Stewart

Kristen Stewart.  I used to think we had a love/hate relationship.  But, honestly, I think it is safe to say that we can take away the love.  I tried.  Oh, I did try.  But, I-just-can't.  Last night the husband and I watched "Snow White and the Hunstman".  Not my choice.  Clearly.  During the atrocious portrayal of Snow White given by Miss.Stewart I had a moment. A light bulb went on.  Eureka!  Finally I understood what was wrong with the emotionless Kristen.  Constipation.  That strained face, that obnoxious moaning, the ridiculous trembling.  Kristen must have problems with her bowel movement.  For sure.  Like, it explains everything.  Kristen, darling, there are remedies for that.  Take a break from being such a wet blanket and stroll down to the drugstore.  Have you heard of Metamucil?  Fiber one?  How about laxatives?  Suppositories?  Honey, they would all help to soften the load (if you know what I mean).  And, perhaps, that look you have that you haven't pooped in a week will disappear.  Because, let's face it.  The only time you actually look like the Kristen below is with the handy-dandy help of a little thing called photoshop.  It really does do miracles.  The rest of us, well, we know that "constipated" is your signature look.
xoxo