Talk less, chew more.

"I'm sorry, what was the question? I was distracted by the half-masticated cow rolling around in your wide-open trap."
-Miss Congeniality

If you chew with your mouth open you cannot sit at my table.  No, I am not kidding.  Honestly, ask my friend, I dumped someone after we ate lunch together.  Granted, I was in 9th grade and it wasn't as though I were in love.  However, for high school standards this crush was pretty big.  Then one very unfortunate afternoon he decided he wanted to join me for lunch. WORST DECISION EVER!  I should have said no, it was just too soon.  Ugh.  The memory is as vivid today as the hour after it happened.  There are certain experiences that no matter how hard you try to suppress they keep coming back (I have never looked at french fries the same way again).  So, cute guy sits down across from me and places his paper tray loaded with fries in front of him.  At that point I recall crossing my fingers.  One can hope, right?  Wrong.  He grabbed about five fries and stuffed them into his mouth, ugh.  Then, he began the process of chewing those fries (mouth wide open as he held a conversation, one I did NOT want to have).  And, that was it for me.  You know that moment where vomit rises to your throat? Yeah, I kinda puked in my mouth a little. Those 5 minutes of watching him eat were perhaps one of the most torturous scenes I've had to withstand.  The decision was clear, I couldn't kiss him, ever.  And, so, it was over before it even began.  My friend and I exchanged glances and nothing more had to be said.  We laughed about it for a good two days.  So, moral of the story. Chewing with your mouth open is simply not acceptable.  It never was, it never will be.  Unless of course you live on a farm and your table guest is your cow named Betsey.  The caveman thing is so 20,000 years ago.
xoxo